The Circumambulation of the Self
Journal entry
Monday, November 11th
“…reconciling liberty with the determinism revealed by the statistical data” (Emile Durkheim, Suicide). This is the question that captivates my thinking these days.
Within the sociological debate of Structure vs Agency, Structuration theory gives primacy to neither structure nor agency, but posits that both macro and micro analysis are necessary. To claim oneself as a Structuralist in the extreme is like betting on one end of a spectrum accounting for all experience/phenomena. Betting on a fluctuation between two poles feels like the safer wager.
There are times in life when ideas or concepts represent themselves as clear, uncomplicated placards—guiding forces of intuition. At other times, the process of experience turned to understanding is muddled. I sometimes wonder if the latter isn't retrospective meaning making—to choose to trust in the autobiographical sense of memory, not for its accuracy but for its fundamental role in creating a coherent life story. To believe that my perception of life and memory is true, objectively, is beside the point.
With increasing intensity as I age, I notice the tendency in myself to become that which I listen to, read, and otherwise take in. It is more a becoming of thought patterns at first, which, through behavior, evolve into a becoming of the entirely of the Self. I can go from The Remains of the Day and a peculiar fascination with early 20th century English butlery, to Atomic Habits and the pop-psychology desire to track and “hack” my behaviors, to Chomsky’s Manufacturing Consent and the unfailing assertion that all US foreign interventions have been acts of aggression, disguised and propagandized as the noble defense of those incapable of defending or choosing for themselves, and in the name of “serving the interests of humankind.” And all the while I can still be addicted to cat reels on YouTube.
At a glance it appears humorous, the pace at which I can flip and flop, only for the notion to become more pernicious the further I contemplate the ramifications of such a pliability of belief and interest. Professional work repeatedly grows stale, as I navigate away from that which initially inspired me. A lack of clearly defined identity, as I feel spread thin across a range of interests. At my core I feel I am here on Earth to follow curiosity and learn. Yet in a capitalist society that values me for what small, specialized task I can contribute, I yearn for the product of my thinking to be Whole.
But perhaps it’s not all unfavorable, this open awareness of the slippery grasp one holds on their own development? And what happens to the Self the more one flips, flops, and flutters between learnings and philosophies, in such a way that might become inherently contradictory? Toward which fabricated ideology, among a library of fiction, does one lean upon?
Carl Jung calls this process of personal development a ‘circumambulation of the Self’, the attempted unification of the conscious and the unconscious and the end goal of ‘individuation’. An unattainable outcome in the absolute sense, but one that I believe is worth striving for.
To know the Self is to tame the Ego.
If I am destined for a life of individuality—as I increasingly desire collectivism—I hope to lead this life in a way that diminishes my own self-importance and seeks an understanding of the world which humanizes others. While I can do very little to control the structural forces that determine my life, I can still go about my own circumambulation in a conscious manner. I can choose to experience life as a great unfolding, of which I am less in control of the trajectory than the meaning produced.